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Dating Violence

Dating Violence

“Love is not control, it is sharing.”

Dating violence or also known as dating abuse is a pattern of abusive behaviors used to exert power and control over a dating partner. Both females and males can be victims or abusers of dating abuse.

Dating violence may not be always visible and based on a physical basis. Basically, abusers try to control the victim of dating abuse through threats and force only to meet their needs. In many cases, the abusive partner may not realize that he or she has abused and inflicted violence on his or her partner. Likewise, the victim partner may not be aware of what is happening in the relationship and being exposed to dating violence. Clarifying individual boundaries and awareness of a healthy relationship are critical and important ways to prevent dating violence. Dating violence can occur in several different ways. Physical violence is easier to detect as it is more visible and objective. It may be more difficult to detect emotional type of dating violence. However, emotional violence can be more effective than physical violence. 

 

Types of Dating Abuse

1. Physical 

2. Emotional

3. Verbal

4. Sexual

5. Financial


In order not to be an abuser of dating violence:

The most important step is to raise awareness on ourselves and our attitudes. It is very normal for each of us to have expectations from our partners in a romantic relationship. However, these expectations should be realistic. Your partners are not obliged to meet your needs and take care of your expectations. You are responsible for the problems in your life; your partner cannot reduce these problems. Remind yourself that your partner has a different history, experience and character. The fact that your partner reacts differently to the situations you are experiencing is because he or she is someone different from you, each of us is unique. The common characteristics of abusers of dating violence are listed below:

1.If you are challenging your partner saying no to your offer on a subject.

2.If you expect your partner to give same reaction to a situation with you.

3. You are putting emotional and physical pressure on your partner to meet your expectations and wishes.

4. If you are threatening your partner to break up in order to meet your expectations and wishes.       

5. If you are trying to avoid your partner from his or her living space and values.

In order not to be a victim:


Dating violence may not be always include physical violence. As a result, sometimes violence cannot be comprehended and become a natural part of the relationship. Awareness of responsibility, self-value and setting clear boundaries needs to be developed in order not to be a victim of a dating violence. A few important reminders to avoid being a victim are listed below: 


1. Put yourself first: Always be your priority. Remember the explanation about the oxygen mask in the aircraft. ‘‘Put the oxygen mask on yourself before the children’’. You cannot help others without helping yourself first. 

2. Try to avoid excessive sacrifice: Showing self-sacrifice is a positive attitude. However, the sacrifice that you show to the other side should not create confusion in your individual life.

3. Say ‘‘NO’’: You do not have a mission to keep your partner satisfied. Trust your feelings, say ‘‘NO ‘’when you feel you don’t want to do something.

4. Do not neglect your living space before your relationship: Do not neglect environment or hobbies before your partner enters your life. Continue your living space outside of your relationship, as well. 


For more information and support, you can contact Psychological Counseling Unit via counseling@ozyegin.edu.tr.